NYC Rooftop Bar

Drinks with friends at a beautiful rooftop bar in New York City: $120

Drinks with friends just downstairs from previously mentioned bar: $80

Drunkenly exclaiming: "I hope the world does end in 2012 because at least then it all means something!": $0

A great night out with friends: Holy shit! $200 and a hangover.

Copyright (c) 2008-2009 http://crudeandfeckless.blogspot.com/ by Kevin McDonald

Good Fella

Scene: NYC

Sometimes, when you least expect it, you get to witness something truly amazing occur right in front of you.

Like when Ashley Simpson fucked up on Saturday Night Live. I sat their with my jaw hanging open like I was at a Milli Vanilli concert.

But that isn't what this story is about.

One day in the late 90's I was walking somewhere in NYC when I witnessed something truly amazing. From my vantage point it was almost as if I were the director of a movie and I had just yelled "ACTION".

It was a beautiful summer day and it seemed like everyone I passed was in good spirits. In front of me a wedding was letting out of a church. The bride and groom emerged with giant smiles on their faces and headed towards their limo that was parked at the curb. I slowed down to watch them and to avoid walking right into a giant group of people as they left the church.

I noticed a police officer across the street, leaning against a wall watching the happy couple come out of the church. The police officer had a smile on his face and looked truly happy for the new couple. I paused on the sidewalk to decide how I would get around the large crowd that had amassed and reflected on what a nice day I was having in the greatest city in the world.

That is when the trouble started.

Directly across from church was a construction crew working on a small building. Some of them started the usual hooting and hollering but one worker who was standing on the sidewalk started yelling and making crude jokes loud enough for the newly wed couple to hear.

"I hope they get in the limo soon," I thought to myself, but the bride had stopped at the limo door and was adjusting her dress before she could get in. Both the bride and groom were pretending not to hear the construction worker, determined not to let him ruin their moment.

I looked over at where the police officer was standing only to find that he was on the move, and headed straight for the unruly construction worker at a brisk walk. As the police man walked I watched as he pulled his nightstick from his belt and placed it up against his arm so that it ran parallel from his wrist to his elbow.

I couldn't believe what I was about to see.

The construction worker, unaware of the approaching police man, continued his verbal assault.

"YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET MARRIED MAN," the construction worker yelled, "YOU GET FUCKED FOR LIFE!!!"

A split second after he finished yelling this the cop intercepted him and without breaking stride brought his forearm and the nightstick to the construction workers face. The construction worker was caught completely off guard and fell to the floor clutching his head. The police officer continued walking, turned the corner, and disappeared. A few seconds later, the construction worker got back up and shook his head. He looked embarrassed and ashamed. He turned, walked into the construction site and was gone.

Nobody on the street said a fucking word.

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MOVIE LINE OF THE DAY:

"Now you's can't leave." -A Bronx Tale

Copyright (c) 2008 http://crudeandfeckless.blogspot.com/ by Kevin McDonald

A Tree Ate My Cat

Scene: Brooklyn, New York

A firefighter arrives on scene only to be confronted by an old woman with a worried look on her face.

"What's the problem ma'am?" the firefighter asks.

"My cat, it's up in that tree, I need you to get it," she replies.

The firefighter looks up at the tree and the cat, thinks for a minute and then looks at the old woman.

"Lady, have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?" he asks.

"No, I haven't," she replies.

"It'll come down," he says.

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MOVIE LINE OF THE DAY:

"The funny thing about firemen is... Night and day they are always firemen." -Backdraft

Copyright (c) 2008 http://crudeandfeckless.blogspot.com/ by Kevin McDonald

Am I Being Robbed?

Forward: I was reminded of this story after a recent post by http://www.sassytwosocks.com/

Scene: NYC Subway

I had just started college and was on the subway headed to whatever bar served $5 all you could drink from 8-11. The Zoo or The Blue Moose or something, can't remember, they all blend together. Funny how the cheapest bars were also the ones that let you in when you were underage. Hmmmm.

Anyway, I'm sitting there minding my own business when a black guy in an oversized trenchcoat walks onto the train and stands in the center of the car. This is not trenchcoat weather. He waits till the doors close and the train starts moving to yell:

"EVERYBODY LISTEN UP THIS WILL ONLY TAKE A MINUTE!"

"Fuck," I think to myself as I calmly reach for my wallet. "I've been in this city for three months and I'm already getting robbed? This sucks. Where the hell am I gonna get another $5 so I can drink all night?"

"JESUS IS COMING AND HE IS GOING TO BE REALLY PISSED OFF, BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO...." trenchcoat-man continues.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me," I think, "a sermon?"

I'd rather've been robbed.
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MOVIE LINE OF THE DAY:
"All right, everybody be cool, this is a robbery!" -Pulp Fiction