SPEED

BUS DRIVES OFF FREEWAY
15 DEAD

Fifteen people died yesterday in Los Angeles when a Metropolitan Transportation Authority bus drove off an incomplete section of the freeway. The bus was forced into the situation after a terrorist rigged it to explode if its speed dropped below 50 mph. NTSB Investigators are questioning police logic of trying to jump the bus over a gap in the highway without the use of a ramp. LAPD Captain McMahon has been quoted saying: “We thought that maybe all the heavy rebar and cement bags that were situated right before the gap would somehow magically act as a catapult and fly the bus safely to the other side.”

According to Channel 5 News helicopter footage, the bus nosedived 100 feet to the ground immediately after hitting the gap. A call to several local physics teachers revealed that no one who has graduated from high school should have expected a ten ton bus to be able to jump over a 50 foot gap in the freeway, especially if the bus in question does not have rocket propulsion. All police involved have been tested for possible drug use, results are pending.

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