Monday, December 15, 2008

Cow Thoughts

Sometimes my memories include situations that are extremely unique. Situations that I have never heard another person talk about.

For example:

One time I threw a dead cow off a ship in the middle of the Pacific ocean.

Bet you never heard anyone say that before.

How I came upon this situation was: I was on-board a cargo ship. One of the things we were transporting from Hawaii was cows.

Hawaii has more cows than they can handle.

The cows were located at the back of the ship, that way the handlers could easily get rid of their shit with fire hoses. Just spray and whoosh over the side. As you can imagine it smelled pretty bad on the stern.

Another thing we carried was molasses. That was at the front of the ship. Somehow the bow actually smelled worse. Yes, thousands of gallons of molasses actually smelled worse than lots and lots of cow shit.

One day, I walked onto the stern and happened upon a "cowboy" who was having a hard time dragging a dead calf. I was not aware of this, but since cows are packed like "cattle" in transit, some of them die on the way. It is not a pleasant existence for a cow. People talk about feeling sorry for the stuff we eat. I've seen it first hand. Not good. And we're not even talking about veal. However, on that same note, at least these cowboys weren't doing anything bad to these cows. They were packed like sardines, yes, but the conditions on some of these "farms" are a hundred times worse....Let me get off my animal cruelty is bad tangent.

Anyway this cowboy asked me for a hand, I asked him where we were going with this dead cow, and he said, "Over da side bro."

As I watched the floating cow head towards the horizon I imagined a shark happening upon it. The shark has never had steak, only seafood.

"Holy shit!" says the shark.
"I'll catch you on the flip side." -The Boondock Saints
Copyright (c) 2008 by Kevin McDonald


The Grandpa said...

I hope you threw some capers and olive oil overboard too so the shark could experience the flavor of carpacio.

Cruelty is not acceptable. (I do eat meat. But I'm trying to be more consious of what it means to do so and how to be more responsible.)

Ann's Rants said...

WTF is it with everyone and cows tonight???

Anonymous said...

For some reason your picture reminded me of that episode of Happy Days where Fonzie jumped the shark....You're so funny McJoe!

Comedy Goddess said...

So true. I have never heard anyone say that before.
It must be cow healing awareness day...

SassyTwoSocks said...

Aw. Poor cows.

RB said...

The tags on the article alone are amusing enough to be their own blog post.

Ultra Princess said...

Disturbing yet, comical.... hmmmmm

It's All Good said...

thats pretty crazy. Although I don't like animal cruelty, I also don't believe in not eating meat. I have a theory that cows will take over the world if we don't eat them... makes eating medium rare steak a little more justified I think...

kokopellireader said...

I have crawled fuel tanks, diesel tanks, crude oil tanks, and molasses tanks. And by far, the worst out of the bunch, is molasses tanks. I think it's the super sweet mixed in with the organic rotting smell that makes it far worse than any whiff of benzene ...