Saturday, December 27, 2008


Horatio (to tech guy): "Alright, I just shot at the fleeing suspect's car and I hit his gas tank. I need you to plug that information into your computer program and tell me how far he can get before his gas runs out."

Tech Guy: "Wait, why do you have a weapon? You're a CSI. Aren't you supposed to be in a lab somewhere buried knee deep in cases? Do you have any idea how many crimes are committed in this town?"

Horatio: "Never mind that. I need you to plug the information I've given you into your computer."

Tech Guy: "Look buddy, even if a computer program like that did exist, there are an impossible number of variables we are dealing with."

Horatio (sarcastically): "Give me one."

Tech Guy: "First, how do you even know you hit the gas tank? Second, assuming that you did hit it, did you hit the top, middle, or bottom of it? Third, how much gas was in the tank? Was it full or near empty?"
Horatio: "I asked for one, not three. Why do you always have to make me feel stupid?"
Tech Guy: "I'm calling internal affairs on your ass."
Copyright (c) 2008 by Kevin McDonald


Kristina P. said...

CSI: Miami is the most unintentionally hilarious show on TV. Good thing H didn't die. It would have been. Tragic. Muuuwaaaaahhhh!!!

Irish Gumbo said...

"Because your punk ass obivously fell asleep on multi-variable equation day in math class, bee-yotch!"

And who names their kid Horatio?

Irish Gumbo said...

Obivously? I guess my punk ass fell asleep during spelling lessons!

SweetPeaSurry said...


I used to watch CSI: Miami all the time, I delighted in laughing at 'Horatio' as often as possible.

I watched it for the other, more compelling characters, plus they could actually act a bit.

Braja said...

You forgot the silent prompts:

[Horatio turns sideways, head down, looking sly out from under his eyebrows, speaks in low and menacing voice...]

Whoever created that character needs an Oscar. Seriously.

Geri said...

Horatio knows EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING!

Captain Dumbass said...

How much do you think Horatio's sunglasses get paid per episode?

Anonymous said...

Horatio has contradicted all known logic. He kills more people per episode than the bad guys. Why must all his loves get killed or turn evil? That show cracks me up. :)

Short Stick said...

my parents watch CSI:miami. i don't but i hear it every day in the other room. This little tid bit looks pretty silly willy to me. i think i might check it out next time its on the tuba.

Cat said...

Ok, see this one was funny! But I've seen CSI Miami before, and know what a douch Horatio is.

Am I a Customer of life? said...

Dude, Horatio is my idol. The last time I saw him on the set he was directing the director to get the right angles on his profile.