Monday, December 1, 2008

Kiosk Lady

Oh please God stay away from me Kiosk lady!

No, I am not interested in a neck warmer that I can put in the microwave. I do not want an herbal face wash made from the mystical salts of the middle east. After I have told you that I don't want your product, I don't want to then "answer a question for you".

I have been all over the world and the people running the shops in the bazaars pushing illegal DVD rip-offs weren't as annoying you. At least their products actually worked! I know that fucking "steam gun" won't work for my wrinkled shirt! That's why there are no returns.

Also, when you see me walk past you pushing a baby stroller for the seventh time, that doesn't mean I want to buy your shit. I'm just going in circles, I know you know, because we've made eye contact every time I've passed you.

On second thought, maybe I do need a toy airplane that comes right back to me as long as I am a trained "Kiosk Representative", does it come with a free fake pony tail that matches my hair exactly?

I don't need a fuckin phone Verizon. I have a phone. If I need something, I'll come to you.

They're like fuckin zombies.

"They're coming to get you, Barbara, there's one of them now!" -Night of the Living Dead


SassyTwoSocks said...

This is great. I hate those damn kiosk people. Especially around the holidays. Have you seen those horrible vinegars in wax-sealed vases with rosemary and garlic. I don't think they're meant to be edible, just to look pretty.

KMcJoseph said...

I poor them on my popcorn!

Pearl said...

Those fake pony tails crack me up. As someone who's had a lot of hair my whole life, it amuses me no end to see people try to sell me more hair!